Shinyshinyshimmering's Blog

shinyshinyshimmering — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 00:13:48 +0000

I know no one comes to this space anymore, that’s the point (: I need somewhere to pour out my deepest feeling my darkest secret.
To you, Juncheng,
How are you? Has life been treating you well? Do you fall sick often? The weather is changing, are you taking good care of yourself? How’s your parents? Help your mum do some housework whenever you can ya? She is getting older day to day and should rest more. How about huiling? Is she coping well in vj? Give her lots of support, she will need it.
I really hope everything has been great for you, found yourself a gf? You’re a great guy, don’t ever lose confidence in relationship again.
You know it’s been a year, when I thought I have moved on with life, getting along with life but when I saw you… I guess I never did… Maybe never will. I’ll never let all these be known though. It’s just too late that I realized how truly important and how deeply I really love you, how the pain of seeing you in pain because of me can never be let go of.
And yes I’m still with her. I almost gotten another boyfriend but I can’t love anymore, I can’t settle down with any guy anymore. You’re the one meant for me, I miss it all, I lose it all. Sometimes I’ll wonder why didn’t you hold me a little tighter, pull me a little stronger; but now I know this is your way of loving me. You really loved me unconditionally, nothing I can do and should do anymore… I’ll be good to her, I won’t hurt her anymore, I know she is another you in the girl version.
I miss you very very much, I truly pray that life forever treat you well and only happiness will come to you. I exchange my life my happiness for goodness to always come upon you and your family.
Always loving you,
Suhui

shinyshinyshimmering — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 09:00:27 +0000

Its been so long, in fact pretty much seems like I have abandon here; which obviously I tried but I cant. Life isnt exactly getting into its place nicely and neatly but I have definitely become more independent and matured than before. I dont know what I have typed and what I have not because I simply dont dare to read the past. I dont know whats the point of all this cause probably the only one person who I wish he will read wont be even here to begin with.

Talk about school, school life is still the same… Yes I am a great big asshole, I didnt keep my promise to study hard to put in all that I have for my first test, but I will; I am very very determine to.

As for relationship, well…. I am still with her… I meet guys and little suitors but no one make me want to give in or turn straight. I do get attracted by guys but I just dont love guys anymore… Probably I have moved on, probaby I have not. I still feel the pain, I still feel that I want you, I still reckon to throw away our memories; well… she understand I guess? I wish you would stay in contact with me but thats way too selfish and hurtful for you. Maybe time will heel it all, I know it would; I just dont know why I would give in with time.

About my family and I… Hmmm… it still sucks, nothing change and I really dont know if anything would. Cant stand it to live here at times but its not like there’s a choice for me and afterall, they are still my family…

Oh, I am still in wushu, sp wushu; maybe its the CCA point maybe its the interest. It doesnt matter, I only know it eats up lot of my time but I will give my full commitment to it.

I have given up my future of having a family, cause without you its different and you will never be back. Maybe until I meet another special you? Now I just know I want my career in the first position of everything.

I love you but my love is never enough

Hubby

shinyshinyshimmering — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 15:49:00 +0000

I change my mind, I really cant stand it; I want you now. I hate calling you JunCheng, I want to call you hubby. I really cant stop missing you… would you be angry if I rush over your place to find you?

To you, JunCheng

shinyshinyshimmering — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 16:56:44 +0000

You’ve been in my mind for a really long time and I simply can’t get you off it… I don’t want to be your past, I want to be your future. I know we have broke up for awhile and we realized we simply can’t and not wiling to give in one another, but it’s still the same, you are still the one who I want a family with. I am not making a fool out of you again, I am just speaking whats in my heart. Whenever I think of family, the only one in my mind is you. I am starting a new life in two weeks time(when poly starts) and I wish to contact you and see you. I am not going to get into another relationship, at this moment I want the best out of my studies and really achieve my goals. You are right, dentistry isnt something that really suits me and most importantly it’s unachievable as my heart isn’t fully there for it I guess. I found my true direction, at least I am quite certain this is what I want. That’s why I left vj. I want the best out from Sp, this is what is going to fill me for the next two to three years. I wish we could take this time to realize our dreams and direction, i am going to blank my relationship cause I really can’t let go of you, I am not asking you to wait, although I wish you would. I just want you to know that you always have a special place in my heart. I don’t wish any girl would enter your heart but if someone really do and give you lasting happiness, I will definitely wish you all the best and pray for both of you. You are a great guy, I realized how ungrateful I am about your everything; I will make myself deserve you. I know you trust none of my words, serve me right; I don’t blame you and I won’t force you. I wish that if you still want me you will let me know. Please try to reappear once in a while at least. I really treasure your every text and it mean a lot to me. It makes a lot of difference to my life despite your immediate disappearance after your text. Please don’t disappear completely. You need your space I will give you, I don’t ask for you to leave a place for me in your heart but I hope you can understand I really can’t and not wiling to get you off mine. I know I will always love you.

shinyshinyshimmering — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 02:51:22 +0000

I dont want to let go you, juncheng

shinyshinyshimmering — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 15:59:35 +0000

If we loved again, I swear I’d love you right

history will never repeat itself because i know i wont want to miss someone as great as you, cheng

shinyshinyshimmering — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 14:53:25 +0000

I dont know how to move on
Only one wish, one that you know will be fulfilled anymore, one that will only hurt him
I attempt to find try findin his friends on facebook but cant, i dont even remember their names or ful names
If really fated, if you really feel that i am real, would i be able to find him again?

shinyshinyshimmering — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 05:02:41 +0000

I guess thats life, when you ask a little too much, demanded a little too far; you simply loss every good thing you once had.

I thought but I am all wrong
I realised but it is too late

shinyshinyshimmering — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 17:16:46 +0000

regret but nothing can be bring back

shinyshinyshimmering — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 15:49:46 +0000

My life seems to be experiencing a turnover, still, how are you? I have this crazy idea of going going to your place there to find you… But I am afraid that if I do you would even move out… I dreamt that we patch last night… I really miss you, why couldn’t you give me the least to be able to know how you are doing… I really hope to at least know how are you…